Humanize the Earth!

9 Comments

1. Years ago, a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to go to Paris with her. “I’m married and have a small child,” I reminded her. “Oh, yeah,” she responded. She went off to Paris. I stayed home.

   I call my friend and ask her if she wants to go to a movie. She apologizes. She’s already seen it. Since she’s single, she can do what she wants. She doesn’t always think to call me.

   Sounds as if the two of you might have the best of both worlds, if you can deal with less time together. Quality over quantity. Sometimes you can get complaisant, being part of a couple. Can be cozy and comfortable, too.

   Comment by Debbie — April 18, 2006 #

2. It’s possible you’re right, that this is the best of both worlds. Time will tell, I suppose.

   Comment by ted — April 18, 2006 #

3. Yes, time will tell. Depends on how fulfilling you find that to be.

   I love being married. But there are times when I am wistful for my own life at my own pace. There’s always tradeoffs. Up to each person to decide what they are willing to give up.

   Comment by Debbie — April 18, 2006 #

4. I suppose what I’m really having trouble with is a semantic thing more than a substantive thing. Why does “couple” mean pressure. Couldn’t we address the pressure within the context of “couple.” And then again, why do I care about the semantics? I suppose it’s just my good old abandonment issues.

   Comment by ted — April 18, 2006 #

5. I aggree that semantics could be addresses; What is pressure? On the other hand everyone really knows how pressure feels, just press on your stomach and you FEEL it. And that people and their personality can feel like pressure, I am sure everyone has felt.
   Personally, I have experienced pressure in couple hood simple form how I grew up and behaviours I have not changed yet. Just like saying no when I do not aggree. That cna be pressure. So, form there obliging ends up being pressure that is experineced internally and then procted outward.
   Then, myself, I have and illness that creates pressure on my brain, many of us have those pressures, less severe, like knots in the stomach and pain in the ass,… .
   All these pressure spoken off, I expereince couplehood in a societal form. Maybe it is all the silences or yes”es when there was no’s and perhaps even fury.

   edited by Ted to fix name of author - must’ve been logged in as Ted from her computer

   Comment by regula — April 19, 2006 #

6. Yes, we all understand pressure. And to address the pressure, maybe the easiest thing to do is change the semantics of “couplehood” so that the recordings we have from growing up don’t apply. So what happens next? That’s the biggest unknown for me at this point.

   Comment by ted — April 19, 2006 #

7. Abandonment issues, Ted? I never would have guessed that about you. I thought only Drama Queen Debbie had abandonment issues.

   Pressure. Queen wrote a song for the Flash Gordon movie either called “Under Pressure” or “Pressure.” There are times within the relationship that I can really relate to that. Everyone feels pressure for a variety of reasons. I cannot enjoy life as fully as I’d like because I feel too much pressure. Too much responsibility. Carefree? What’s that.

   Sounds like semantics. Also sounds like Regula needs to feel as if she can say “no”. That could be coming from either one of you or from projections. We all develop, consciously or unconsciously, expectations of one another.

   Hearing “No” is very difficult for me. I have recently realized that I’ve always taken “no” very personally. “No” as a rejection of ME and not just my request. And saying “no” is almost as difficult. Like I am letting someone down. Kinda crazymaking.

   Ya know, Regula and Ted, there are different ways to define coupledom or coupleness. I hope the two of you can come to a mutually beneficial understanding. I bet you will both feel much freer.

   Comment by Debbie — April 20, 2006 #

8. Kim’s comment

   Ummm … Sounds like y’all are still a couple, then, just with less together time.

   My thoughts, for what they’re worth:

   Coupledom doesn’t equal pressure. Pressure comes from somewhere else. What does she think coupledom means? Was she afraid y…

   Trackback by Ted's personal news @ omidyar.net — April 23, 2006 #

9. Hmmm, after 8 years of being married I have come to learn about ebb and flows of couplehood. Just read an article, Feb 2006 National Geographic called Love the Chemical Reaction. It shared how couples that stay together long-term, beyond the initial 2-3 year honeymoon phase spend enough closeness time (hugging and/or sexual orgasim)to produce oxytocin. If you have enough oxytocin (assuming the rest of the relationship is in order)couples prefer to stay together over finding someone else to produce the essessive serotonin response (known to newly in-loves and those having obsessive compulsive disorder!)

   With that said, cuddling and watching movies sounds pretty good :^)

   Comment by juliecaldwell — April 26, 2006 #

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