relationship counseling?
Posted: June 28th, 2006 | Author: ted | Filed under: humanize | 11 Comments »If you’ve had relationship counseling, I want to hear from you. I’m interested in both experiences with professionals (people that say they work as counselors) and others (friends, family, coaches, clergy, etc).
I’m feeling the need for some outside help and am not sure where to turn.
Hi Ted,
Be happy to share what I’ve learned to date… by the way, what’s your email address?
Love and light,
Karen
Chris Corrigan sent an email suggestion to check out Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is, and I started it last night.
Interpersonal relationships are difficult, especially for humanists. I recommend mosquito netting and DDT spraying to eradicate the malarial effects of the stagnating relationship swamp mosquito. Also, consult J. Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels with particular attention to the last book. Man is not a rational animal, but an animal capable (sometimes) of reason.
Friends are a worthwhile investment for self-reflection. My psych prof in college said 77% of the time friends can help just as good as a counselor. I guess that depends on if the friends talk to you straight. Here’s wishing you many good, straight-talkin’ friends.
23% of the time, friends cannot help with grammar, for instance. I recommend reading Phillip Larkin’s “This Be the Verse,” which contains some excellent relationship advice.
Some more on this where I cross-posted it at o/net.
Also, the four questions from Byron Katie:
1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do I react when I think that thought?
4. Who would I be without the thought?
Then turn it around.
I went through several relationship counselers with my ex-girlfriend (we kept wearing them out! LOL) It was kind of interesting because my ex was a couples counseler – it was really interesting.
My wife Shannon does a fair amount of relationship counseling in her travels as a Feng Shui consultant. She concentrates on balanced exchanges and supporting ying/yang or Feminine/Masculine energy dynamics.
I like some of David Deida’s work on this subject (“the way of the superior man” and “dear lover” are both fantastic).
If you can get past his use of language (masculine/feminine) or be willing to wear either lable to some degree (or switch back and forth!) Deida’s concepts can be quite invaluable.
Have you ever met someone for the first time and felt you’d known them forever? I had an experience like that this past weekend meeting Karen. Here’s a post of hers from February about presense
Hi Ted. I’m new here; I’m a fellow open spacer but only just found your blog. I wanted to recommend a book I’m just now working my way through: it’s called Passionate Marriage, by David Schnarch. I’m currently completing a master’s in counseling psychology, and of everything I’ve read on relationship / marital issues, Schnarch has been by far the best. He’s somewhat critical of the approaches of most contemporary therapists (he sees these as merely creating mutually enabling relationships), and his own alternative is nothing short of inspiring. In any case, I’d highly, highly recommend the book. (And yes, what IS your email address?)
Here’s the first chapter: http://tinyurl.com/olqzw
Siona and Gina, thanks much for the comments and recommendations. My email is
ted
chicagohumanist
org
with the appropriate @ and .
:-)
Ted,
I’ve given and gotten lots an lots… and this is a core part of what I do as a coach. Although I generally focus on business, personal relationships are ALWAYS in the background and need to be given proper attention, eh!>?
Let’s schedule a conversation